Dead American

Just finished a great little book by Michael and Debi Pearl, To Train up a Child. This book has to do with training children, not just discipline, and the principles they teach are really good.

You could easily cross reference this book with Have a New Kid by Friday! by Lehman, which I reviewed a few months ago. Both books have a lot of overlap in good basic principles on how to properly train, discipline and raise children.

The difference with To Train Up a Child is that Michael and Debi are more up front with their faith in Christ and the theology behind their principles. So you get preached to a little here and there, but since I have mostly said similar things, or believe them even if I haven’t said them, it wasn’t so bad for me. It might be way out of the box for some.

The Pearls live in some sort of Menonite or Amish community and therefore are very outdoorsy and simple folk, but they’ve done a lot of thinking, and had a lot of success, about raising children. What makes the book funny is that they adamantly teach that you should not just spank children, but do so with an actual “rod” of some kind. I laughed when they described what kind of tree you could cut down a good branch to be a rod.

To be honest, there were some ideas related to the “rod” concept and even parenting that I hadn’t heard or thought of before, and I’m sure some more liberal minded people would consider some of it too strict or even abusive. Any discipline can be abusive, and I think the Pearls make some amazing points, to the degree where even Becca and I are going to adjust some things we do.

This is a very challenging book. Again, the similarities to the other book by Lehman are amazing. They both make it clear that the kids you have are the kids you raised. One of my favorite lines from Michael Pearl was, “don’t blame the canvas for the painting”, meaning that your children will be trained by whatever you do and are a direct result of how you’ve trained them. Even the absence of training is training and teaching children concepts they’ll hold onto for life, especially in their younger years.

(As an aside, I was thinking today of a great show that my parents love and I used to watch before we moved into the compound, the Dog Whisperer. That dude is amazing. He always does two things: he connects how the dog is to how they were TRAINED to be, even really bad, and he makes the necessary adjustments to change the dog’s behavior by re-training, even to extremes of placing them into isolated environments.

Now, some of you may be balking, “how dare he imply that children are like dogs!”, which I agree can only go so far, but isn’t it amazing that most of those dog owners on that show have similar problems as parents?: we can’t have people over, we can’t take him out to be with other dogs, etc. And yet he always fixes it … although I guess they wouldn’t show a non-success story on the show.)

The Pearls have sold a half million of To Train Up a Child. They, like Lehman, GUARANTEE that if you faithfully and consistently follow their principles, you will raise well-behaved and content children. I also have the same confidence in these principles, despite the naysaying that goes on, even among other parents.

Michael Pearl is the main writer, and he really pulls in principles from scripture, especially Proverbs, to make his points. I really appreciated this approach.

Being an Amish-type community, they are also against classroom settings of any kind and the television in general. They homeschooled all five of their children and have seen great success in these principles.  I don’t know if I’d go as far as they do, but it probably can’t hurt.

There is a sweet part at the end of the book where Michael writes a letter to his two sons about their future and the kind of woman to look for, and Debi does something similar with their three daughters. There is a great balance of Truth in these two people, where they realize the temporary and eternal purpose of parents and believed solely on the promise that if you “train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it” and acted based on that promise.

Reading this book could easily make you feel like a bad parent, I’m sure. I know I was challenged. Becca will read this book next, and we will have a long talk about changes we want to make to be better parents and doing a better job at “training” them.

If you’re looking to have children, it is wisdom to dig and look for wisdom in a very important endeavor, raising and training them. This book, along with Have a New Kid by Friday!, will guide you in the right direction and teach important principles. It is interesting how many parents, mothers especially, who get pregnant and read pregnancy books by the bag full, which is important and useful, but then read nothing on how to actually raise those same children.

If you want to order this book, I’m sure it’s on Amazon, but their website is www.NoGreaterJoy.org. There are some interesting articles on the website, too. I did a little looking today.

Peace.

Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman is a new book on parenting, training, and child discipline.

I finally got some reading done this week.  And this book was at the top of the list.  I read a review of it in the AJC, and I immediately wanted to read it.

I put it on request at the library … I think I’m still at position forty-something.  So despite my not wanting to spend the money, we bought it. 

Becca read it first, and she handed it off to me.  I read it in a couple days.  It’s almost three hundred pages but a quicker read than you might think.

I’m sure there are several books out there that say much the same thing, but I can highly recommend this book.  Every parent and teacher would greatly benefit from this book, especially if you’re serious about “training your child in the way he should go.”  I will find it difficult to lend this book out because it is worth every penny of the purchase price.

It’s like a little Bible on parenting and child discipline, and I’m not exaggerating.  If you’re of the mindset that “every kid and family is totally different, so there’s no right way,” this book is not for you.  While Dr. Leman acknowledges the uniqueness of every child and shares some of his thoughts as suggestions or his own opinions, he absolutely guarantees that if you use the basic principles he expounds upon, they will work.  I can personally make the same guarantee.

Reasons why I loved this book (and many will hate it):

First, he is clear about the fact of who actually needs to change.  If you want your kids to change, you are the one who has to change.  They got their behavior, good or bad, from you.  This is true in parenting and classroom teaching.  He gives more psychological reasoning for it, but theology supports it as well.  It is your job to train your child, not to just let them grow up and see what happens.  Changing your family culture puts the most responsibility on the adults in the situation, their discipline and willingness to be inconvenienced.

Second, while he is blunt about who actually needs to change, he is clear in his encouragement that the result of establishing these principles in your home results in less stress and more joy in your home.  Your children, despite any age and personality type, CAN be a blessing in your home and to the outside world.

Third, he is all about sacrificing self-esteem for character.  He’s not against self-esteem at all, just against the short-sighted notion that a child’s temporary unhappiness is a bad thing.  Your job as a parent is not to raise a happy child but one of character.  Righteous character creates joy in the family and the child.

Fourth, he makes it sound simple, because it is.  Difficult to change?  Oh, yeah, but the principles are pretty simple.

Fifth, he knows that these high standards in a child’s attitude, behavior, and character will set them apart from the crowd, and even look harsh to many worried about embarassing or hurting their child’s feelings.  You’ll be saying no where most parents are saying yes.  But his goal isn’t about training “normal” kids but excellent ones.

Leman is a believer, but he kind of keeps that in the background until the end when he quotes a couple scriptures (for those of “faith”, he says).

The first 89 pages are the basic principles, a quick and easy read.  The other 200 pages deal with his thoughts on specific issues and problems (mountains and molehills, he calls them).  Still, very good, although not always popular, answers and thoughts.

This was very refreshing to me.  Most American parents don’t think this way, and you see the fruit in their kids.  In some ways this was a great reminder of things Becca and I are already doing, but in some instances we were inspired to go even further and try some new things, raising the bar so to speak.

If you have kids at home or if you are a teacher, I can highly recommend this book.  If you don’t buy or follow this book, you’re not a bad parent, but you can definitely be a better one if you’re willing to learn and be teachable.

Peace.

I’ve read a few books lately that I can highly recommend. They all blessed me in their unique ways.

The Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

Excellent book. Nouwen sees a painting by Rembrandt of the famous parable, and it sends him on a deep spiritual journey. He delves deeply into the lost son, the older son, and the father. This book is very introspective, yet challenged me in very practical ways. Nouwen has this amazing way of being very honest, humble, and modest all at once. Supremely rare.

With Christ in the School of Prayer by Andrew Murray

Anyone interested in a greater understanding of prayer and intercession should consider reading this book. If I enjoy a book, I generally devour them. I can only read a couple chapters of this at a time. This book goes deep into issues of prayer that I am still immature in (to my mind). It is divided into 31 short chapters, ideally done once a day for a month as a devotion. I feel like I need to read this book a couple more times to make sure what he teaches becomes foundational in my life.

I believe prayer is that important and effective and believed it more after reading this book.

The Untold Story of the New Testament Church by Frank Viola

An excellent resource to help us better understand the New Testament story chronologically and contextually. The strength and meat of the book runs through the time period from Pentecost to the death of the Apostle John. He makes some amazing connections through historical and biblical research and the traditions of the early church writers.

Viola is a house church dude, so sometimes his agenda is fairly evident, but not overwhelmingly so. The vision we see of how the Church was spread and administrated is fairly simple and powerful, much removed from the modern idea that has become so convoluted and weak. I’m sure that was partly Viola’s point. I really enjoyed the book and would recommend it to anyone (house church dude or not) who wants to study the New Testament more in depth.

Save Me From Myself by Brian “Head” Welch

This is an autobiography from the former lead guitarist for the band Korn. It details his life up to and through his time with the band, his heavy drug and alcohol abuse, and how God pulled him out of it. I picked up this book from the library since I remember the press a couple years ago surrounding his conversion. This is an amazing story and very inspiring. I even choked up during one description of an experience he had with God. It is brutally honest and real.

Brian also details his struggles and growth as a Christian, which I found very compelling. He has a very interesting chapter dedicated to his exploration of speaking in tongues. Definitely check this story out if you ever have the time.

Quick note:

I never advocate reading books instead of the Bible. If you regularly read the scripture on your own (Bible studies and worship meetings don’t count), then feel free to expand your knowledge with these other books. But reading the Bible should always come first.

Peace.

Megashift by Jim Rutz

Let me begin by saying that this is the most important book for any Christian of our generation to read. The Bible is always more important, and if you read books instead of the Bible, then stop that and start reading the Bible more. But I truly believe this book will bless the disenfranchised and challenge the comfortable.

Jim Rutz has done a great deal of research connected with what he calls metachurch, the opposite of megachurch. We would understand his term in relation to house church, but he is hesitant to use that term exclusively because he doesn’t want to worship the of meeting in homes. The principle here is small groups of people who are committed together meeting on a regular basis for worship, encouragement and discipleship. This can happen in homes, coffee shops or bars or wheverever.

Rutz is also a big proponent of open worship in meetings, where everyone is considered able to bring forward something to share from the Lord, where the Spirit organizes and orchestrates the meeting, not our structures or pastoral leadership. He gives a great deal of practical advice in this, which leads me to my only criticism of the book. In order to guard against one member being too much of a leader, he advises no worship leader and not to sing for more than one or two songs. While I appreciate his heart for facilitating spontanaeity, I have been in many open meetings where worship has gone on for long periods of time and signaled God’s dealing in a specific way.

His main point in the whole book, however, is that every believer is a disciple and a minister and capable of being used by God in extraordinary ways, including raising people from the and starting other house churches. These are works of God, he argues, and therefore does not require a professional minister to accomplish them. He also demolishes the idea of clergy in the Body of Christ. We are all priests and saints and capable of great things in the Kingdom. This is his idea of “megashift”, that God is removing the authority in the traditional one man leadership of “church” and placing his redemptive work in the hands of every believer in the metachurch .

If you are convinced that the megachurch or traditional church isn’t bad or is actually good, this book will probably make you upset. He attacks the very foundation of what people call “Christianity” and shows you from his research and from the scripture where we have gone wrong and what we are still holding onto. He does not consider someone in a more traditional system as a non-believer, just hindered in their growth by a that is based on unbiblical traditions of men.

He addresses many things I already have in my Things I Can’t Find in the Bible (which I’m considering making into a book, by the way … any thoughts?). This book encouraged me because he not only said many things that were on my heart, but also challenged me to continue to follow the path the Lord has me on.

Peace.

Since I still don’t have a job … I’ve been trying to catch up on some reading. Here’s a few books I’ve read that I wanted to make some comments on.

Godless
by Ann Coulter

Before I make any detailed comments, let me say first of all that if you are a Christian, this is one of the most important books to come out in the last few years. Even though Coulter is unashamedly conservative, she does a great job describing the current state religion and its structure. You may not agree with some of her political beliefs, but her argument is necessary for the Church to understand.

Like I said, Coulter is a believer in conservatism, so her book is colored by that perspective, but to me its no different than watching CNN and looking past their extreme political views and find something interesting and important in what they report. Ann Coulter is an excellent writer and has a sharp wit. I really appreciate her research. Her personal digs are funny even though I probably wouldn’t write that way myself.

This book does, however, kinda me off, because she took one of my ideas for a book. Mine was going to be called Neo-Communism and detail the religious implications of the new socialism combined with dogmatic adherence to evolution and reliance upon the state and a necessary hostility towards those of real faith, Christians.

But I feel she did a better job than I could have done immediately if only because of the amount of research that she includes. She cites everything she says either within the text or with footnotes, and many of the things she talks about I remember either reading or seeing on TV myself. Her time on evolution and abortion alone are worth the price of the book, they are so well done and supported.

If you are a Christian and consider yourself a liberal or a Democrat or both, you will feel attacked in this book. If you choose to read it (and I recommend you do), just remember that is what it feels like to be a conservative Republican and watch most mainstream media other than Fox News.

Blue Like Jazz
by Donald Miller

On the other side of the political fence, we have Donald Miller who would not consider himself a conservative Christian or a Republican. His book is very different, however, since it has a different focus and purpose.

Donald Miller comes from the framework that truth is found while we compare our experiences and realize the value of the individual within the group as we hear their stories. A few people had recommended this book, so I knew what to expect in a general sense.

I really enjoyed this book for a number of reasons. First of all, I thought he was a good writer. His thoughts flowed easily and the whole stream of consciousness thing really worked for him. Second, it reminded me a lot of my own doubts and experiences as I became disenfranchised with traditional religious Christianity and tried to experience more of life than a conservative framework would have allowed. Thirdly, I thought there were some powerful statements within his book, most notably his honest experience that a group of forest hippies and a very paganistic college campus were more accepting and loving than even the best church that he could find.

I would recommend this book, as well. His storytelling is engaging, and his honesty is refreshing, even though I might not always agree with every point he either makes or implies. He is a challenge to Christians to really look at who they are and what they believe and what they conform to.

The Barbarian Way
by Erwin Raphael McManus

This was by far the most challenging book of the three, to me. Because while I could have said much of what McManus talked about, and sometimes have said them, he made it more than just a concept piece. He did an excellent job of making it real and personal and inclusive, too.

Erwin McManus’ contention is that most of Christianity has become too civilized to do any good. There are few risk takers or adventurers or innovators left. The ones that do exist are seen as rare or weird.

His point is that every Christian should be seen as weird and a risk taker and an adventurer. Most of us settle for a safe life and attach Christianity to it and never do any good for anyone. We are supposed to do the things that seem dangerous to the world without a second thought. True Christianity is not safe or easy or predictable.

But if we’ll choose the narrow road, the rewards are greater and we are more satisfied than we could ever be in a safe, easy life that we call Christian.

Peace.