Micah is a joy. Really. Truly. Not only is he a joy to me, but many who know him testify to his life and blessing. Of all the kids I know, he is one of the most well-behaved kids I’ve ever seen. As a teacher, that’s saying a lot.
But when people point this out, they quickly point to Micah’s personality or something intrinsic about him that we have no control over. I want to rebuke any effort to glorify Micah’s flesh, because God would not want us to do that.
Rather, people need to understand that Micah is how is because of how we’ve raised him. I’ll explain.
It started in the womb. I prayed for Micah almost every day for 7 months or so. I prayed that God would make him a joy and a blessing.
After he was born, he was given a schedule that he could count on. He would eat and sleep at designated times, not when he wanted to. This gave him comfort and security in our love and in life and general … and it actually made him more flexible because we stuck to the basic schedule even if life threw a curve at us.
He is expected to obey. And if he does not obey, we do not give any excuse for him. We discipline him consistently and firmly.
Now, some may ask: how is this different from glorifying Micah’s flesh? Aren’t you just glorifying your own?
Absolutely not. I’ll tell a story to illustrate. I began teaching middle school in 1999. For the first 3/4 of the year, I wanted to be the cool teacher, the friend teacher. I ended up extremely frustrated, hated by most of my students, and I yelled at the kids a lot. A lot.
That was my flesh.
Then my principal did a wise thing. She sat me down and told me I needed to be a different teacher. She explained what she meant, and I agreed to try it.
I told the kids, a couple months before school was to get out, that they were getting a new teacher for the rest of the year. Some of them freaked out in shock, others in pure joy, thinking that I had quit. I explained that I would be doing things differently. I explained what would change. Here’s what changed.
I gave them structure and clear expectations. And when those expectations weren’t met, I gave clear and reasonable consequences for behavior. I stopped yelling. Completely. (In fact, in the resulting seven years of teaching, I’ve yelled maybe once or twice a year … totally intentional and totally in control of my own emotions)
Within a couple weeks, it was like night and day. Kids respected me, cared about my day, actually loved me the way I thought they would when I was the “cool” teacher.
In that classroom, God had given me the spiritual authority to do what needed to be done. I just had to put forth the energy and the faith in principles that I knew to be true.
Kids do not raise themselves. It just doesn’t happen. If you think they do, you get more frustrated than you ever thought possible.
Just as God gave me spiritual authority to do what needed to be done in that classroom, it is the father’s responsibility to discipline his children.
Let me be clear. It is not the mother’s job to be the disciplinarian. She can only do so much. It is the father’s job to be the disciplinarian. In dealing with Micah, I do most of the discipline when I’m around. I will smack or give a timeout or whatever I feel appropriate given the circumstance. And you know what? Micah still loves me and wants to be just like me.
I’ll even go so far as to say this: a mother’s discipline only works if it is the outpouring of a standard already set by the father. This is why many kids are violent, disobedient, and are generally unruly.
This is not chauvinistic, it is what the Bible says. The Bible says if I (the dad) do not discipline my son, I hate him. God uses the word HATE. The Bible also says that if I beat my son (firm discipline), I will save his soul.
So, as you hopefully can see, it is not my flesh that wants to do this. It is because I want to love my son, not hate him, that I am the one who sets the standard for discipline in the home, not my wife. It is because I want to save his soul. I’m also humble enough to admit my own failings and do what God says … and put forth the energy and time to do it … which ultimately means I have to sacrifice some of my own agendas for that time and energy … I only have so much.
How does this save his soul? Because if I do not discipline him, he will not honor me, and this will cause him to curse me, sending him into deep darkness of the soul. This is all scriptural.
Fathers, it is not up to your wife to set the standard of discipline in your home. There are no excuses for the mother to be the one with this burden. I understand the uniqueness of every child and marriage and all that. But as I hope I’ve shown, my personality is not an excuse for the lack of discipline. Fathers, you are the priest and leader of your home. You will be judged for how your family and children behave. But we need to look at the positive side of that: When fathers follow the biblical pattern of discipline, the blessing will come.
And that is why Micah, at two, is generally well behaved. He knows our expectations are reasonable, and he also knows that consequences will quickly follow for disobedience. He doesn’t like it … but he knows it. And he will continue to know it for the rest of his life.
So will Elisha and any other child God blesses us with.
Peace.
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