For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:7-9
It has become quite the assumption among most Christians that God wants them to be married. I don’t see a promise of a mate within the scripture, as if there is this one person God made for you and you just need to wait for that one person.
But the purpose of this series is to flesh out the example of Paul, to follow Paul as he followed Christ, and like it or not, this definitely qualifies.
I Corinthians 7 and 8 are both harsh towards marriage. Paul gives several guidelines there, but ultimately teaches that it is better to not be married if you wish to serve the Lord, based on his example.
We could balance much of this out with other teachings he had, namely the need for young widows to marry so they wouldn’t be busybodies, and the teaching to Timothy about how leaders in the Church should be the husband of one wife (I guess you could have more than one wife, just not be a pastor).
But again, what was Paul’s example? Did he follow Christ’s example? He absolutely did. Jesus was not married, so Paul was not married. Jesus teaches in Matthew of those who should be celibate for the sake of the Kingdom if they could accept it.
I find it funny that we are so ready to take the excuses that Paul and Jesus give us as a concession. Jesus offers it as to those who could accept it and Paul gives in if you can’t control yourself.
“Oh, that’s me,” people say. “I can’t accept a life without marriage or sex. I just can’t control myself. I need to be married.”
Biblically, that’s pretty weak, given that God’s grace is always sufficent and self-control is a fruit of the Spirit within us.
It is obviously God’s will that many are married. I would never dispute that, only the assumption that we should get married when Paul’s example teaches something very different. Our seeking to be married can be tatamount to idolatry because, with Jesus and Paul as our example, it is obviously God’s will that many should NOT be married.
Believe me, I can tell you firsthand how amazing marriage can be, what a blessing it is. Many of you have met my wife and know the saint that she is. Marriage is a gift from God, but so is being single. They are equally valid in the Kingdom. In fact, you could make the argument that being single is for the spiritually strong and marriage is for the weak, despite our prejudices against those who are single. With the divorce and remarriage rates as high as they are in the Body of Christ, isn’t it valid to challenge this romantic notion that everyone should pair up and get hitched? Based on what the Bible says, I obviously think it is.
Peace.
I stumbled on the passage where Paul said it’s better to be single some time last year. I believe the point was freedom from obsessing with the world’s notion of “pairing off.” Shortly after I discovered this freedom, I met the love of my life.
I think the point comes back to “Seek ye first.” In a world where singleness is viewed almost as a disease, the priority is needed more than ever.
I’ve just started studying I Corinthians myself and I have had similar musings. One interesting point is that Paul’s teachings are rightly considered the Word of God and he directly claims them to be instructions from God most of the time. However, in the I Corinthians passages about “singleness” he expressly states that this is his “opinion”.
Since I have only just begun to study the book, then this is something I want to look into more. But it does beg the question… “If the whole Bible is the inspired Word of God (and it certainly is!), then how do we weigh a man’s opinion (expressed WITHIN the Word of God) versus specific instructions from God?” “Things that make you go, ‘Hmmm’.”
The answer is surely wrapped up in the comment above… Seek ye first the kingdom of God. We ought to be so consumed with the Lord that nothing else, not even the passion with or for a spouse, compares with it.
Mark G.